Middle School Boys

I'm going to rosin your bow.

I'm going to lick your lollipop.

I'm going to Sponge your Bob.

I'm going to shake your spear.

I'm going to tater your tots.

Unless you read the title of this blog, you probably didn't think anything about the seemingly innocuous sentences above. Just silly stuff.

However, seeing as today was the last day of school, and seeing as I agreed to allow my sixth-grade son (well, honestly I suppose they are officially seventh-graders now) to invite "some friends" over for an all-night rock band/scary movie party, you can imagin where this blog might be headed.

It all started with the snacks I had to offer. Big friend entered the kitchen and said, "Oooo. I've never had a twinkie!"

"Well, hey -- have a twinkie. Break all the boundaries. Try something new," I said as I was unpacking the groceries.

"Huh huh huh." It was an under-the-breath-giggle from Big Friend. "Twinkie."

And before I knew it I said, "Oh hey -- I also have some Ding Dongs. You want some?"

"Huh huh huh. Ding Dongs. Huh huh huh. I think I'll have one Twinkie and two Ding Dongs, huh huh huh." His face turned bright red as he stifled a full-fledged laugh.

"Oh man." I said. "Seriously. I forgot about you guys and your euphemisms."

Big Friend ran into the living room to share with Little Friend and Cool Skater Friend, "Guys -- you want a Twinkie? I'm going to have one Twinkie and two Ding Dongs!

I'm going to plump your pillows.

I'm going to grill your hotdog.

I'm going to flip your switch.

"Let's do your mama jokes"

"No dude. Stephen's mom is sitting right over there!"

"Yeah, she's totally not going to go for that."

Ha. I could tell them some "Your Mama" jokes that would make them turn all shades of red.  But I won't.  For today, I will act shocked and freaked out about their euphemisms, and just be thankful that they feel the liberty to say them in front of me.  I would say I feel "honored", but that's taking it a bit too far.  Just thankful.  And I hope they always do feel comfortable talking freely in front of me.

. . . I think. . .

Hah!

Wow! I just read my previous post and giggled. Actually, I more or less scoffed. At myself. How silly of me to think that I would have time to actually begin blogging again!

Of course, I never really had the time to begin with, but now I certainly don't. However, as we are shutting off cable after the Thursday season finales (how could I shut the cable off before the Office or 30 Rock finales?), perhaps I will amazingly find more time. . .

Remembered

Geesh. I totally forgot I had a blog on blogger.com. Really. I had no idea.

I remember my salon blog all the time -- mostly because people still go there and wonder if I dropped off the face of the earth.

I did not drop off, but I cannot access my salon blog. It is sad. I loved that blog and the community of sloggers.

I think I will begin again. I am in a time of much duress. Much change. Much body fat.

Even last night as I was dumping soaked kitty litter and rancid water out of the wet/dry vac with the dry filter still in place, I was thinking, "This would have made a great blog." And then today I happened upon my old blogger blog. It must be a sign.

It isn't really a blog. I think that a majority of the blogs started have less than 10 blog posts, and so there should be a rule of thumb that says "Real blogs have to last more than 2 weeks." So I'm going to turn this blog into a real blog.

Enjoy.

say, "Cheesy!"
Posted by Hello

broken pinkie
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Slogger time

Being a slogger, or a "Salon Blogger" has many advantages that I've grown accustomed to over the past couple of years. Not the least of which is the amazing community of fellow writers. Since creating this blog, my better half fixed my Salon blog! I will occasionally post pictures and stuff here, but for the most part I will be posting at my dear old salon blog:

http://blogs.salon.com/0001520/

Good Morning!
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Ted, Don't be Dead, Dude

Ted's Dead.

Ted

Ted the snake is a ball python, who is probably about a year old.

Ted has mites.

Mites suck. Mites suck Ted's blood and make Ted an unhappy snake. Poor little guy.

My better half and I have been attempting to rid Ted of the mites. This is a tedious task.

or should I say Ted-ious.

First, you bathe the snake in water and the first 50 or so mites fall off, drowning a terrible and much deserved death.

Second, you bathe the snake in a mixture of water and betadine to tend the wounds left by the mites.

Third, you find some suitable place for the snake while you clean out the terrarium with a mixture of bleach and water (after first dumping the substrate and anything else in the terrarium.

Fourth, you put the snake back in the clean terrarium.

Fifth, you later pick up the snake, hoping that the mites are gone and realize that there are still mites crawling all over the snake.

Fifth, you bathe the snake in water to drown the mites.

Sixth, you bathe the snake in a mixture of betadine and water.

Seventh, you clean the terrarium with a mixture of bleach and water.

and so on.

We are on about Twentieth: you pick up the snake and realize there are still mites crawling all over him.

Mites Suck.

Greetings and Salutations

As a two and a half year blogger from Salon.com, I am joining Blogger.com because I have messed up my Salon blog so much that I think it may be un-fixable.
So welcome to old and new friends!